by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
Communicating with teenagers can be challenging, as I discovered for myself, recently finding myself nagging more and more at my 11-year old son but without actually getting him to DO anything. A relative sympathized and noted that he is now entering teenage years, which sounded to me like a free pass for being rebellious.
I finally broke out Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish’s book, “How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk,” a copy that I had sitting on the shelf but keep putting off reading. The book promises practical and straightforward advice to help parents connect with their teens more effectively.
It is helpful to note how relatable the real-life examples are. At the very least, it offers comfort that we are not the only parents dealing with teenage kids and how the problems faced by teenage kids are similar (e.g teen mood swings, backtalk, and more serious concerns such as substance abuse). For me it also sets the stage for what to expect more of in the coming years.
A key focus of the book is on listening with empathy and showing respect by identifying and acknowledging their feelings. This helps to build trust and create a safe space for open communication. The authors teach parents how to set clear boundaries while being kind and supportive. This balanced approach encourages teens to be responsible and independent.
Each chapter within the book contains cartoons that illustrates different scenarios and how to apply these comunication techniques in each scenario.
Overall I found the book very easy to read, with practical and relatable scenarios to practise on. Bottom-line for every successful communication really is to keep a cool head and don’t just give in to outburst, recognize and acknowledge the other party’s feelings, treat each other with respect and work out problems together. Easier said than done for sure, but it certainly helps to be more aware of these useful communication techniques.
Rin Ranger 